The Vampire Dairies: The Vampire Crisis at Neuroscience 2011: Day 2

Today is day 2: November 13th 2011. It started out a little unusually.  I documented the start of it in the video below:

As you can see, it’s not safe here in Washington. While I still have not spotted a vampire, I really think I’ll find one within the next few days. I did find a possible hideout for the vampires around here. I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this is their main hangout.  Below is a rather dark photo I took of it while trying to get back home with my friends Zack and Harry, and the second one shows a potential escape route:

I’m thinking the cables in the picture above are a possible communication line the vampires use for chatting on Facebook. I also found an object on the subway tracks, probably some kind of tool the vampires use to suck blood:

After witnessing all this, I realized I was not even remotely prepared for what I was getting myself into, so when I got back to the house I gathered my tools in preparation for tomorrow.

Tools of the Trade

The number one tool of course is yourself. As a tool, you need to build up your endurance and your strength, not only does this help fight off the vampires, but it also helps with the girls.  I find push-ups and sit-ups work well.

When hunting vampires, it’s extremely important to realize that you’re putting your life on the line. Vampires are smart, athletic, and good-looking.  These are not your ordinary run-of-the-mill zombies. First off, you need a weapon of some sort to stab them in the heart. This is actually the only way to kill a vampire. I couldn’t find a stake, but I found a banana in our kitchen:

Now, if you want to penetrate a vampire with your banana, you should always have protection. I know it’s tempting to ignore protection and skip straight to the penetration, but this is newbie mistake #1. This should be taught in high school, but it’s not. While protection can be found in multiple forms, I prefer to use bottled garlic because of the lubricating fluid it comes with and it feels great on the skin, with extra exfoliating action. The one you see below has added spices to add that little extra zing:

So, with my protection and my penetration device, I’m ready to hunt down the vampires tomorrow at the Walter E Washington Convention Center.

As day 2 comes to an end, I wish you all adieu, and I’ll get back to you with more progress updates tomorrow. For now, all I have to say is: may the anti-vampireness be with you.